Birth Story - Marina Estrella Grant

Nov 18 2017 7:05pm 21inches 7lb 3oz

The story of the birth of Marina begins 5 years ago with the birth of my first child, Efrain. At that time, I had planned an all natural home birth and water birth. In preparation for that first birth I read some books, watched some movies, and took a birth class that all had me convinced that I could birth without pain. Even if there were pain I was sure I could handle it. But what I discovered – at about the third contraction- was that the pain was very real, very intense, and I was not going to be able to cope with it well at ALL. I went into a panic mode of sorts – where all of my focus and desire was for the midwife to tell me that I could push so that it would be OVER.

In preparation for my second birth I planned a water birth at a birth center because we were now living in an RV and a home birth was not something I wanted in this case. I only read a small portion of a single birth book which my husband pointed out for me to read. It was about what pain is, and how we respond to it as humans. The book pointed out that the natural response to pain is fight or flight, but that often times in moments of extreme crisis, humans are able to set that primal response aside and deal with the situation and only experience the emotional response after the crisis is over. This resonated with me as I am quite good at shutting off my emotions in an emergency. I decided that I would re-frame my perception of labor: Instead of feeling attacked as I did during my first birth I would tell myself that labor was not something that was happening TO ME, but was instead happening TO MY BABY. With that framework in mind I was in control of the situation and needed to remain calm in order to smooth the process for my child.

So, with this new approach to childbirth in mind I found myself experiencing the last weeks of pregnancy with a great amount of calm and assurance. I felt completely ready for baby to arrive. My first labor started suddenly at 2am with a clearing of the bowels followed by contractions and lasted for 10 hours.  I knew right away that something was different and that labor had begun. I assumed that the onset of labor would be similarly obvious to me the second time around. I was wrong.

My Estimated Due Date was Nov 22^nd, but an ultrasound had put the due date a week earlier on the 17^th. As the 17^th approached I felt as if my body was slowly progressing towards birth. I was eating dates and pineapple and otherwise helping my cervix to progress. I had a midwife appointment on the 15^th and at it she asked if I wanted to be checked for progress. I agreed as the birth center was an hour away from home and I felt a little advance warning would be helpful. Instead she told me my cervix was so high she could barely find it and it wasn’t dilated at all. “I guess we will make it another week.” I told my husband and I started to prepare myself for a Thanksgiving baby.

Over the course of the next days I felt my body having ever more frequent Braxton Hicks contractions. By Friday my parents had taken notice as I was having them every time I got up and moved from one position to another. When they asked me about it I shrugged and said, “They are getting stronger and more frequent, but they are only on the lower portion of my stomach, so I don’t think they are real. If they were on the top they would be pushing baby down and then it would be real.” I was wrong.

On Saturday morning I got up and did breakfast as usual with my family, but when my son and husband went for a hike I went back to bed and slept. When they returned my husband and I decided to take a trip to the local RV dealer to look at what was on the lot, because when you live in an RV full-time that’s the sort of thing you do for fun. But first I wanted a shower. After the shower we headed to the dealer and joked about all the walking putting me into labor. Looking at RVs was uneventful, and we decided to go from the small dealer to Camping World to refill propane. Looking at RVs at Camping World is less fun because you can’t just wander in and out of the rigs at will, so we looked at two and then wandered into the store to look at what was there. I wandered aimlessly a bit, not really seeing anything.  At one point I was standing in front of a clearance shelf trying to figure out if the protein balls were something I wanted when my husband came over and told me he was going to go fill the propane. I blinked at him as I tried to figure out if I wanted to wait for him in the store or in the car, but my brain wasn’t really working. So Darrin says, “Are you okay?” and I said “Yeah?” and he said, “You’re really spacey.” And I said, “Yeah. I am.” And he shook his head and said he was going to fill propane. So he left before I could decide what I wanted to do. All of a sudden I felt hungry and faint and like I was going to be sick. I was about to panic when I remembered the protein balls. I grabbed two and went to pay. I’d eat them in the truck. That was a good idea. I was feeling proud of myself for figuring out what to do when I walked out of the store and realized Darrin had taken the truck with him to fill the propane. So then I had to decide if I would go back in the store to wait or stand outside. Feeling strong, I opted for standing outside. I ate a protein ball and felt so much better, if a bit silly. Then a man drove by on a golf cart and I realized I could ask him for a lift to my husband. As it turned out he was on his way there to fill the tank so I hitched my ride and was very happy to be reunited with the truck, and also Darrin, but mostly the truck. I wanted to be in my own space.

My contractions were becoming more uncomfortable and my mind was still foggy.  When the Propane was filled and paid for we started driving home. I had two contractions before we ever made it back to the highway and Darrin commented on my discomfort. I suddenly realized that I wasn’t moving from place to place. These contractions were spontaneously happening while I just sat there. Darrin said, “Should we be timing them?” and I said “But they’re not real contractions, they’re just down here on the lower portion of my belly.” Darrin’s face said a bunch of things without words and I agreed to call the midwife and ask her opinion.  She said “Okay!” and suggested I time them for half an hour to an hour and then call her back. I downloaded a contraction tracking app and called my sister to see where she was at. She was hanging out with friends and so I gave her the heads up about my app tracking. Back at home Darrin started loading the truck while I sat on a birth ball and frantically searched Amazon for a baby white noise machine – the last thing I hadn’t bought for baby. Darrin came in and the Contractions were 12-10 minutes apart and lasting 30-45 seconds. He decided to shave and take a shower so he would be his best self for me. I called my 4 year old over and told him my tummy was starting to squeeze and that meant the baby was almost ready to come out. I explained what would happen – that he would stay here with my mom over night and we would bring baby home in the morning if she was really ready. He thought that was great. Darrin came out of the shower and I hastily ordered whatever noise thing I had thrown into my cart. I think it was owl shaped?

We headed out to my camper and Darrin tried to get me to lay down so we could be sure this was the real thing. By this time the contractions were 8-10 minutes apart and lasting a minute. We had an hour long drive to the birth center and I was not about to mess around. I insisted we get in the car and drive. Because with my first child the labor began with a clearing of the bowels I kept waiting for that to happen again. I periodically went and sat on the toilet but nothing was happening which I found confusing and frustrating. Additionally, during my first labor I spent most of the 10 hours vomiting, so before we got into the truck I asked for something to puke in. “Are you feeling sick?” Darrin asked. “No, but I know myself.” I responded. I was wrong.

Eventually we got loaded into the truck, contacted the midwife and let her know we were coming in. At 4:30 pm I posted in my due date group that I was starting the drive to the Birth Center and asked for prayers. I had a bucket between my legs, a giant bubba cup full of natural Gatorade, a stuffed animal in each hand to squeeze, and the contraction timer app.  I reminded Darrin on the way out that my major frame of focus was that this labor was happening to the baby and not to me, and that he should remind me that I am in control. He turned on the radio and one of my favorite CDs – Follow the Narrow by Clear was in on track 6. In the middle of track 7 I hit repeat and we listened to “Psalm 18” for the rest of the ride in.

From His temple, He heard my voice
My cry came before Him, into His ears
Looking down He made, me His choice

Clouds advanced, from the brightness of Him
His feet stood upon them
He parted the heavens
And came soaring down, on the wings of the wind

To wide open spaces
From darkness below
Where floods from the torrent, had swallowed me whole
To wide open spaces
You handed me out
And delivered me over
To wide open spaces

Great foundations, the ocean valleys
Laid bare, by His scolding
He reached down from high
Took hold and drew me out, of water so deep

To wide open spaces
From darkness below
Where floods from the torrent, had swallowed me whole
To wide open spaces
You handed me out
And delivered me over
To wide open spaces

Perfect is Your way
Flawless is Your word
I take refuge in You
Never turning from You

It was the perfect song for a long hard ride. I hastily added it to my birth playlist and sent a text of to my family letting everyone know where we were heading. Then I set my phone to “Do Not Disturb” and focused on timing the contractions. They were progressing steadily. The ride was fairly smooth. I asked Darrin not to talk while I was having a contraction, and kept my eyes closed most of the way, although I did notice the lovely pink sunset as we got nearer to the end. I also was feeling the urge to clear my bowels and I decided to tell myself repeatedly, “It’s okay if you poop in your pants.” How’s that for a lovely birth affirmation? I did not, however, poop in my pants, and we made it to the birth center at about 5:30 pm.

I walked in the door in the middle of a contraction, vocalizing low in my throat. “Oh that sounds good!” Karen, the midwife, greeted me. She asked if I wanted to be checked, and I said “I want to sit on the toilet.” So she walked me back there and I experienced sweet relief. After my bowels were (finally!) clear Karen checked me and said I was at 7 cm with just a little bit of cervix left. “That’s good!” I said. We wandered over to the birthing suite where Darrin had all the things set up. He had my birth playlist going which for me is SO important. Karen had the birth pool ready for me so I got undressed and got right in. Darrin clocked my pool entry at 5:50pm.  The next hour was spent focusing on my carefully chosen songs, holding on to my husband, sipping Gatorade, and moaning through the contractions. Reminding myself that I was in control, I focused on lowering baby downward. I was able to remain calm and although I sometimes felt the desire to throw up, or get out and sit on the toilet I did neither as I knew they would break my focus. Darrin was wonderful about holding me, and talking me through the contractions and the spaces between. He kept asking me to make eye contact and smile which in retrospect I wish I had appreciated more. Along with “I am in control of my body.” Some of the things I told myself were “Jesus I Trust in You.” “Baby is coming,”  and “I won’t remember this tomorrow.” Those were all very helpful thoughts. At some point the midwife assistant arrived. My midwife has four assistants, and I had one in particular that I had wanted to attend my birth, although I never voiced this preference to Karen. And yet there she was! “I had hoped it would be you!” I said, and Karen said, “If it had been any other day this week she probably couldn’t have come.” God’s timing. I was further reassured and given peace.

As transition approached, however, I found myself getting scared. I knew the pain that lay ahead and I started to question the sense of it all. “Whose idea was it to give birth? Why does it have to hurt so much?” These were not very helpful thoughts, but they came with ever increasing urgency as I began to feel the pushing rush. Karen asked to check me (I think she could tell I was getting close) and so I rolled over onto my back. Darrin supported me weight with both his arms. This was the exact position I was in when I pushed my first baby into the world and I think my body remembered. Karen checked me and said she could feel the bag of waters very low, and no cervix. My body was ready. The first major rush came while she was still checking me, and she cleared out fast. The second rush popped my water bag, and it felt like a gunshot coming from inside of me. I was making a LOT of noise, crying out to Jesus, and calling Baby forth. The next Rush I could feel baby descending, and the next one brought her to a crown. I felt my body stretch to the limit. I wanted someone to apply counter pressure to avoid a tear so I said “Push push push!” but no one knew what I meant so I reached down to do it myself. My fingers found the place where I thought my skin was stretched tight, but instead of me I felt the baby. Surprised, I lowered my fingers downward until I found myself. I poked a bit in an effort to apply counter pressure but realized that was pretty impossible. I was hovering in a limbo of pain. At that point I tuned in to the world around me enough to hear Karen say “Just wait for the next contraction” and Darrin say “One more push and she’ll be out.” I decided I could do that, and tuned back into my body. The next rush came quickly and I pushed just the slightest bit to free her head. I remembered even in that moment that my first child had sailed out like a squid into the water once his head was freed, but this little girl was not so loose. I had to push on two more contractions: one to lower her and one to push her body out, but then she was free. It took about 5 minutes and 5 pushes to birth her. It was 7:05pm.

When my first child was born I was the one to scoop him out of the waters. I held him close, looked and talked to him, totally lucid. When this baby was born into the waters I slumped backwards, completely spent. Someone else could get the baby. They did, and placed her on my chest. I held her, not looking “Is that my baby?” I asked. I was told it was. I looked down at her. “Baby!” I cried out, “Why are you here?? I love you, Baby!!” My husband says I was kind of out of my mind at that point. I shouted, “Is she really a girl?” and Darrin said, “It’s a girl!” I cried and shouted and kissed that vernix covered head. I asked for pictures to be taken and after some time the cord was cut. I stepped out of the pool and squatted over a bowl to birth my placenta. It came out easily. I walked to the toilet and was able to pee and clean up a bit. Already things were going better than my first birth after which I had passed out twice and could barely keep my head up.  

Karen checked me for tearing and found it to be minimal. I did not need stitching. “The way you were able to stop and wait when she was crowning gave you time to stretch.” Karen told me. I felt very proud of myself. We were allowed to stay overnight and we were happy to do so. Darrin had precooked and frozen Huckleberry pancakes with bacon for our after birth meal and after eating I felt great. Baby was healthy and able to latch and begin the nursing process. All in all Marina Estrella’s birth was a total success. I always considered my first baby’s birth to be good in spite of everything, but this birth was truly great. 

Marina's Birth Playlist:

Beautiful Things - Gungor
How He Loves - David Crowder Band
Revelation Song - Phillips, Craig & Dean
Great Is Thy Faithfulness - Katy Kinard
And Your Praise Goes On - Chris Rice
Martyrs & Thieves - Jennifer Knapp
Take Me In - Kutless
Hail Mary, Gentle Woman - Gretchen Harris
Psalm 18 - Clear